Get A Helmet

I know it's been awhile, but life has been too good for me to complain.

That is going to end.

I'm not certain if you have heard about the new Ken Burns documentary The War. So far, it's been pretty good.

Of course, people have to fuck it up.

You can read about the debate here. The important point about this, and why it stirs up my hatred, is the potential meddling by the FCC. If ever there was a governmental organization proven more useless and valueless in the history of the world, I've yet to find it. However, the real problem is not the FCC. They are just the instrument. The problem is the miserable collection of morons out there who are bitching about foul language in a documentary about WAR. As if, somehow, that is important. What really earns my ire is the willingness of these people to make decisions for me. They don't want their little precious Johnny to hear any foul language, so they complain until no one gets to hear it. You know what? Televisions come with magical things call OFF-SWITCHES. Perhaps these Helicopter Parents (and oh, how I love that term) should learn how to use them. Or maybe, just maybe they could figure out how to change the channel. Something like that. After all, there are innumerable ways for them to avoid exposure.

Their children are THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. Not yours, or mine, or the federal government's. I have no issue providing funding for education, or health care or any of that for kids, or adults for that matter. This is another matter altogether.

Pure Frikkin' Genius

I tell you, every so often I read something that makes me smile.

This made me smile and realize that I still have far too many sympathies for you people.

This is pure hate! Enjoy!

WTF is wrong with you people?

Seriously. I ask this question because I know you have made comic Dane Cook popular.

Let me break this to you: Dane Cook is NOT FUCKING FUNNY. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

He's a frat boy who amuses other frat boys. Period. If you think Dane Cook is funny, something is wrong with you, above and beyond the normal idiocy and sheep like behavior I associate with humans.

Bill Hicks was funny. Sam Kinison was funny. Lenny Bruce is fucking hilarious.

Dane Cook is not. Nothing you can say will change that.

Sin City Indeed

So I spent last weekend in Vegas for a Bachelor party.

Yes, I have friends.

Yes, one of them is stupid enough to get married.

It was a good time, all in all, with only brief periods of hate. These periods of hate are caused, as always, by the presence of other people. The thing that inspired most of the hate was, shock and amazement, children and parents.

Who the fuck brings kids to Vegas? Did they somehow miss the fucking ads? "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Vegas is not family friendly. You get ads for prostitutes walking along the Strip.

Yet these idiots bring their kids here. Are they too fucking lazy or poor to hire a sitter for the two days they are blowing the kid's college funds on "Wheel of Fortune" slot machines? I don't get it.

The most poignant example of this was in the room next to us. Someone there had an infant. When I say an infant, I mean an infant. This thing could not have been more than a few months old. The reason I know this is because it would scream. A lot. In that distinctive voice that only an infant can make. For what seemed like hours. Whenever we were trying to sleep.

I hate this child for its voice.

I hate the parents more for two reasons. First, I hate them for having the thing in the first place. I know, by virtue of the fact that they are human, that these people are stupid and ignorant. So, of course, they fucking spawn another idiot. Secondly, I hate them for IGNORING THE FUCKING THING. That's right. The fucking mutant would start its shriek. And it would shriek, and shriek, and shriek. The source of this sound, so clearly audible through the thin walls at the MGM Grand (as a sidenote, I love hearing people having sex while trying to get to the elevator), never moved. No one would come to pick up the child, or attempt to soothe it in any way.

And we wonder why we are so fucked up as a country?

God, I hate fucking parents.

Another Epiphany

I used to think I hated kids. And actually....I do. I fucking despise them. However, I have discovered that I hate something more. My reasons for this hatred directly fuel my hatred for children.

I've discovered that I loathe parents. More than anything else on earth. Parents are the root of all evil. Not only do they produce the little fucking mutants that so infuriate me, but they raise them, or rather fail to raise them, and leave me and my tax dollars to do their fucking job for them.

Parents have created the "Cult of the Child". This is, by far, the most subtle, vile, evil thing ever spawned. It allows any intrusion, any violation of privacy, any step whatsoever, so long as it will "protect the children". You know what? Fuck the children. You want your kids to be protected? How about you protect them? Don't try to tell me what the fuck I can or cannot do, or what I can or cannot see. It is not my responsibility to sacrifice for your fucking mutants.

I recently read that a school district banned the game "Tag" as an aggressive contact sport. They banned fucking Tag. A game everyone has played. For decades or perhaps even centuries. All trying to protect children from being hurt. Balls to that. You want to know what teaches better than anything else? PAIN. Pain is the best educator in the world. You want to know why you don't play with fire (although some of you crazy fucks probably do play with fire)? Because you learned that fire is FUCKING HOT and it BURNS YOU. You learned that one the first time you tried to touch it. And the lesson stayed with you.

The point is, parents have so beaten the world with their child worship, that everything is bending over backwards to accommodate these fuckers.

This is absurd.

Profound Discovery

I've recently reviewed my postings on here and discovered a common theme. All of these people that seem to exist to frustrate and annoy me all have one thing in common: Their parents sucked. You know how I know this? Because not a single one of them have basic comprehension skills. You know, the stuff you learn before you go to school? That occurs outside of the six miserable hours the state is required to educate you each day? All that material is basic academics; names, dates, formulas, conjugations, and assorted other crap. By the time you get to school, your parents should have taught you some basic skills on how to live and move in the world. These skills are supposed to improve in time. However, if one never has the skills to begin with, one can't improve them, can they? So really, the problem with the world is that we have generations of idiots raising other generations of idiots.

I don't doubt there is more to it than that, but that is the root cause of a great deal of the bullshit out there.

Why Highways suck

As with most things in the world, this is a pretty obvious answer: because there are people using it.

I took a trip to Flagstaff last weekend to help some friends move. The trip up was two of the worst hours I have ever spent on the highway. Did any of you worthless fucks bother to even show up to Driver's Ed? Or even LOOK AT THE FUCKING MANUAL ONCE IN YOUR LIFE? For fuck's sake, don't park your ass in the passing lane (that's the left lane for those of you morons who don't know - and given what I saw last weekend, that would be ALL of you). Also, when you go to pass another vehicle, FUCKING PASS THEM. Don't kinda sorta maybe pass them. STEP ON THE FUCKING GAS AND GET PAST THEM! Here is another clue for you fatally stupid fuckers: your car contains many convenient devices, like, say, FUCKING MIRRORS. Consider using them. They are amazing devices. They allow you to see in places not directly in front of you. Therefore, you can be aware of your surroundings and see cars to the left and right of you, and traffic behind you. You can use this information to adjust your driving to deal with circumstances as they change. Therefore, you won't cut me off, and you might get out of my when I come up behind you.

God, I fucking hate you people.

Fucktard Central

This was my local grocery store tonight. I went down to the local Fry's for a few items and had to find something to clamp down on before I was even inside the store. Every single example of stupid humanity was there. It was like a fucking bug light. They all just kind of buzzed around, got in my way, and made me hate them in less time then it takes to change a radio station. I couldn't even find a parking space without ignorant assholes pulling out in front of me. There were smokers standing around out front of the store, like Jay and Silent Bob. Only stupider. And real.

Inside the store was no better. I just wanted a couple of sodas and a bottle of milk. 3 items, total. It took me 29 minutes to get back OUT OF THE FUCKING STORE. Why, you ask? That's simple, intrepid reader: the idiocy was more concentrated inside. I grabbed my items and went to stand in line. I guess Saturday night is "Try to Buy your Beer with Food Stamps" night. The woman in question could not understand why she was not allowed to buy shit with my tax dollars. The idiot cashier, who looked like she just fell out her mother last week, certainly couldn't explain it. Given that the line was long and getting longer (because all the scum had to shop at Fry's tonight), I decided to use one of the self checkout stations.

This was a mistake. The line wasn't long for those, but there is a very good reason for that fact. PEOPLE CANNOT FOLLOW SIMPLE VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS. The damn machine doesn't make it hard. It tells you what to do, EVERY SINGLE TIME. In small words. It's really easy to do. Scan, touch the yellow pad, bag the fucking thing. And somehow, this is too hard for people to do.

There are rumblings that World War 3 is starting. After one trip to the local grocery store, I hope these rumblings are true. The peace and quiet will be nice.

So Apparently....

I am about worthless.

So where does that put the rest of you?

FREE AT LAST!

I actually kind of liked my old job. That is, I liked my boss and co-workers (as much as I like anyone these days). The job itself was support. And I HATE SUPPORT. With a passion. An eternal passion that rivals my hatred of children. There is nothing worse than support. I blame support for my misanthropy. I used to like people. Then I spent all day coming up with last minute solutions to impossible problems created by other fucking people. I swear, asking adults to use a computer is like asking a 5 year old to drive the Indy 500, or at least the act like it. These things aren't that fucking hard, you morons. But somehow, they KEEP FUCKING THEM UP. And then it was my job to make it all better. Instantly, you know. Because they had to get back to playing solitaire or surfing for porn right away!

But that is all over now. I am free of support and I will NEVER go back to it if I can help it. I now get to learn all new kinds of frustration in the fascinating world of development. I'm certain I will hate it just as much, but it will minimize my contact with other people.

The only problem is this: I am severely out of practice at development. My skills, such as they were, have atrophied. So this weekend is turning into a cram fest.

I hope its worth it.

Just A Reminder....

...that I hate your kids. And when I say "your kids", I do, in fact, mean YOUR KIDS. It does not matter who you are. If you have kids I hate them. I ESPECIALLY hate them on airplanes. Because nothing makes being trapped in a cramped metal tube for 6 hours better than someone's little fucking mutant screaming the entire way.

Gates of Hell

I am traveling again. I hate Airports. I hate them for multiple reasons. First, an airport is a place where many people congregate. This means more opportunities to interact with every bad habit and stupid human trick that infuriates me. This lasts for hours due to interminable lines punctuated with limitless incompetence. While at Sky Harbor early yesterday morning, I was in line to check in (so that I could get the little slip of paper that allowed me to stand in line for security, so I could stand in line to get on the plane). The moron behind me somehow could not grasp a basic concept from physics: two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Wherever I put my luggage, he tried to put his. Only after mine was there. For like 5 minutes. I think he finally got the hint when I kicked his suitcase over.

Second, all an Airport does is allow me to get crammed like a motherfucking sardine into a shiny metal tube with a ton of other people. This seems like such a great idea. Let's put a hundred rude, obnoxious and idiotic people into tiny, cramped seats, and then make them stay there for 6 hours. I am amazed there are fewer instances of assault on planes.

Everytime I fly these days, I feel like Ed Norton's character in Fight Club. I can see the roof of the plane peel off, and a feeling almost like relief washes over me. But then I remember that I have bills to pay, and go back to trying to sleep.

And I have to do it all again. Tomorrow. At O'Hare. If most airports are like Hell, O'Hare is what they imitate.

I think I start driving everywhere soon. At least I can yell at other travelers without being arrested.

I'm back!

It's been awhile, and I've been busy, so I'm not sorry about not posting in this space.
You try doing your master's degree and working overtime and see how much you like it.

Why the fuck am I justifying myself to you assholes?

Anyway, there has been plenty to frustrate me lately, and the fires of my hatred for anything with 46 Chromosomes burn brighter than ever.

So now that I have some time, I will feel free to start reminding you all of how much you all suck, and how much nicer the world will be if I don't have to share it with you.

You may now resume your drab, wretched lives.

In Reponse to Commentary

A Reader, John, made the following comment:

Ah.. but there's the differentiation between PARENTS (I had a set) and BREEDERS (whom I see very often, varying from allowing their kids to open and play with toys in the store to evil-eyeing you if you don't kiss their kiddies asses).

Kind of frightening to realize I have no progeny, yet my behavior towards children is better than 90% of the actual 'parents'(breeders)

I posted this response in comments, but felt it needed to be shared with both other people who read this thing:

The distinction is drifting into non-existence. I acknowledge that there were, once upon a time, these mythical "parents" of which you speak. However, those are extinct. The act linked seems like a perfectly fucking reasonable alternative to controlling your fucking children. If you cannot outwit your kids, you have no business having them.

This is another reason why the world is doomed. Those smart enough to raise kids don't fucking want them. Each generation becomes more and more stupid. Soon, the world will be populated by porch sitting, banjo-playing, sister-fucking freaks. I just home that a comet strikes us before then, or HN51 is a million times worse then predicted.

I am not an environmentalist, but this is the time I wish that the Earth actually had consciousness. And an anti-body system, to deal with the likes of the scum spreading across it. I am not about saving the planet. I could give a flying fornication at an undulating pastry about the planet. I just hate having to share it with 6.2 billion morons, and breeding more all the time.

You know what? The whole thing is going into the regular post. More people need to read this.

Not like they will, because the place does not get much traffic, and I don't think anyone will make it past the pre-amble.

He has a point. There is a distinction. But there are maybe 5 of them left walking the earth at this point. Those kinds of parents are like California Condors at this point. They are just as rare, and just as ugly to the rest of the world. Because we all know its someone else's fault if your little mutant is not the perfectly obedient mini-adult you expect them to be.

And parents, in case you are wondering, you are not one of the 5.

This warms my heart

I think more teachers should engage in this activity in their classroom. Lord knows the little fucking mutants deserve it.

I recall a line from Night Court (an old sitcom for those of you who need to STFU) about children being kept in cages until they were 17.

I think its a dandy idea. It would keep them from being anywhere near me, and I might actually forget that they exist.

That would make me much happier, yes.

Why I Hope The Flupocalypse Strikes Parents First

I hate parents. There are few things more precious in the world then liberty. Your child's innocence is not one of them. Particularly when they are 16 and probably know more about freaky sex then you do.

Parents are one of the world's best arguments for the destruction of mankind. I certainly believe that the moment one becomes a parent, their IQ is quartered. Given how amazingly idiotic people are, this is never a good thing. I do not know where you fucking people get the idea that everything in this world has to be subservient to the interests of your child. Its my fucking world too assholes. And I don't care about your kids. In fact, I hate them, because you use them to justify shutting down anything that makes you uncomfortable. Your lack of faith in your offspring is so great that you have to fight the world to get them to behave rather than teaching them. That's really it. You cannot teach your children, particularly about all the stuff that makes you uncomfortable, so no one is allowed to see it or do it.

You fucking make me sick.

This is why there should be a license to procreate. We could certainly neutralize the population growth problem if 99% of you fuckers popping out little fucking mutants were stopped.

Fuck Republicans

I say this one with impunity, because I used to be one. Seriously, you people have to be the most worthless pieces of shit to walk the earth. How any single one of you fucks can justify this? And this shit is only the tip of the motherfucking iceberg? I thought you fucks were in favor of smaller governement, and less interference in one's own business? Since when did that equal domestic spying? I'm sorry, I confused you with a CONSERVATIVE. You miserable, todaying, money grubbing, lying, hypocrital fucks are certainly not conservative. You are all about power and wealth, and concentrating it into as few hands as you can manage. What happened to fiscal responsibility? Nope, gotta toss that aside to pay for a bullshit war that we didn't even need to fight. And don't even try to justify that one. You've sacraficed over 20,000 American lives so you can feel like you have balls. They didn't defend our freedom, and I feel bad for them that they were sacrficed on the altar of your ego. And to try and cut spending, you cut penny-ante shit that does nothing but hurt people and actually doesn't reduce our spending one iota. It just slows its rate of increase. Barry Goldwater is rolling in his grave.

Party of Freedom, my ass.

Been Busy.

So Fuck Off. I've learned to hate Text Mining. I've finally found two instructors in my Master's program who completely merit a horrible fate. I've taken numerous useless trips to help people who don't deserve it and don't even appreciate it.

All in all, its been like every other year, just with more air travel.

Don't even get me started on that. Air travel should be placed on the Geneva Convention as a method of torture. There is nothing worse then being forced to stand in line after line filled with screaming children and idiots who can't be arsed to read anything before bothering to fly. I love having to show up 3 hours before a flight just to get through security in time. This security, by the by, does nothing more then provide fake jobs for high school drop outs and people too stupid to be security guards. It certainly doesn't make us anymore secure. In case you missed the point, 9/11 was the LAST time anyone will be able to hijack a plane with Americans on it. I'm pretty sure the next group that tries is going to get beat down by a single mom with her little fucking mutant transport system (baby carriage). So don't try to tell me that this shit is important. It doesn't stop anything actually dangerous from getting on a plane, like a motherfucking bomb. Did you know that they recently tested the security measures and were able to smuggle the parts to a bomb on 21 times? You know how many times they tried? 21 times. That's right, assholes. Every time they wanted to get something on, they did.

So the TSA isn't actual security, its employment for walking Soylent Green.

Goddamn Researchers

Look at this shit. The fuckers went and ruined a perfectly good apocalypse. I was looking forward to seeing millions of fucktard humans dying in the streets and someone has to come along and invent a cure. Son of a bitch!

Everytime I'm certain that nature will finally do the job for us, I am reminded of our species similarity to roaches. You just can't kill us off entirely. This is not through any particular merit, mind you, but just dumb luck. What a downer.....

Another Word to Our Cycling Friends

Did you guys ever learn how to fucking read? Thanks to the dilligent work of one of my readers the following interesting legal tidbits come to light:

Suck It.
Blow Me.
Shut the Fuck Up.
Get Off The Fucking Road, you twats.
And finally, PWN3D!

God, it feels great to be so fucking right.

So, back to my original point, now with added legal supporty goodness, you people need to learn what the fuck you are doing, and not try to argue with two tons of steel. Because even if you are right, you will still lose the argument. Not like that would make me shed any tears mind you, but the repair bills would suck furiously.

Now get off the road, you freaks.