Monday, December 22, 2008

Authority Is Always Right.

What. The. Fuck?

This is why I will do my very best to not live in, or work in, or financially support the state of Texas in any way. Between buying drinks for people to give them DUIs later, and abuse like this, plus the shitty attitude they project out into the public arena, I am disinclined to wish them well, or help them at all. There is plenty of work for me there, if I wanted it, but I would really have to think long and hard about going.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Punk Playa

So, last night, some friends and I were enjoying a rousing round or three of Call Of Duty 4. Nothing particularly spectacular about that, in fact it's pretty typical of the way we spend our evenings. However, during one particular run on the map "Vacant", I managed to offend one of the opposing players.

How do I know this? Simple. The player in question sent me a voice message over XBox Live. It is a 30 second tirade of profanity and poorly constructed commentary on my overall skill.

So, of course, I had to send a response. It's 15 seconds of me cackling at this pathetic waste of breathable air and outer resources. No words, just howls of derisive laughter. I mean, what else do you do with someone like this? I really just don't have the words to describe the complete pathetic nature of this guy. I almost feel sorry for him.

Then I listen to the voice message again.

I wish I could somehow extract and post both the original message and my response.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Dumb Ideas In Advertising

Who the fuck thought standing people on corners with signs performing baton routines was a good idea? It's irritating to look at when stopped, a distraction while in motion, and in the desert, a good way to kill people with sunstroke.

Whoever thought this idea up in the first place needs to do it themselves for awhile.

The person who thought it was a good idea to bring it the desert needs far, far worse.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


So I watched the season finale of Real Time tonight. I have a question.

When the fuck did Ashton Kutcher get braincells?

Maybe my perspective is skewed from years of watching him in banal movie and TV show after banal movie and TV show, but I'd always considered him a bit of a dullard.

Turns out I was wrong.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Packs of Retarded Monkies

That's what playing on XBox Live is like tonight.

Why the fuck does everyone thing that the lobby between matches is the place to sing?

It's not fucking karaoke.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Latest Thoughts On Same-Sex Marriage

One of the arguments I hear on a semi-regular basis is that marriage is traditionally between a man and woman. You want to know something? Fuck tradition.

Tradition was African-Americans sitting at the back of the bus.

Tradition was treating Women as property.

Tradition was beating your children to discipline them.

Tradition changes for a reason, fucktards. Just because something has always been someway (which it hasn't), doesn't mean it always has to be that way.

And I'm sorry you might be uncomfortable with two guys saying they are married. But that's nothing compared to how uncomfortable you've made them feel for centuries.

So fuck you, I'm not sorry at all. In fact, I'm going to enjoy your frustration and discomfort as the tide slowly but surely turns against you.

And I'm really going to love it when your gay granddaughter gets married to her girlfriend.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

When Does The Stupid Stop?

Christ, does the stupid ever stop?

1. Obama is an American citizen. You know why? Because at the time of his birth, his father was an American citizen, married to another American citizen, and he was born on American soil. His HALF-brother was not born in the United States, and his father was not an American citizen at the time.

2. Obama is not a plant by Fidel Castro. I don't even know where to begin with this suggestion. It's beyond stupid on a cursory examination, really. There is no need for further investigation because it begins from a ludicrous origin.
3. Obama is not a socialist. He's going to adjust our Income Taxes. That's it. We already pay Income Taxes. Have for decades. Those taxes finance government programs, including welfare, social security, medicare, student loans, and the military. If this makes him a socialist, then we've been a socialist nation for about 70 years.
4. Obama is not here to destroy America. I guarantee, with all of the media attention, someone would have revealed that he was a sleeper agent. The KGB weren't able to get one of their moles in charge of MI-5, despite their skill at human intelligence and operations. The position of President gets A LOT more scrutiny than that.

For Cthulu's sake, assholes, read something besides your NRA magazine. Listen to something besides Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. You might learn something.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Nope, They Still Don't Get It

When I get up in the middle of you telling me your latest Anti-Obama joke, that is a subtle hint for you to STOP TRYING TO TALK FUCKING POLITICS WITH ME. I don't want to tell you that you are a fucking ignorant retard and then prove why I'm right. It ends up with you in tears trying to open your wrist with your thumbnail, and me in unemployed and likely in jail.

Neither of us want that.

Some People Don't Get The Hint

Here in AZ, we have a proposition on our ballot this election cycle. This proposition, Proposition 102, changes the State Constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman. I do not support this proposition. I feel everyone should have the opportunity to destroy their relationships and make themselves miserable, regardless of orientation. I also know my history, and the Myth of the Atomic Family, and the Myth of Marriage.

The Myth of the Atomic, or Traditional, Family is pretty self descriptive. The family, as presented on Little House On The Prarie, and numerous sitcoms, doesn't exist, at least not in the overwhelming dominance certain elements would like you to see. So holding to that standard is like holding to the Easter Bunny, and then being pissed when you get no chocolate on Easter.

The Myth of Marriage requires a bit of explanation. Many of us in modern society are fed the myth of marriage as some sort of romantic event, as the ultimate expression of love and commitment. This is a lie. Marriage is primarily a financial institution. It was a way to combine familial resources and ensure hegemony. Romantic marriage is something that grew out of the Renaissance and the Enlightenment. In human historical terms, it's a recent development.

In light of these facts, using either of them to justify a ban on same-sex marriage is ludicrous.

That didn't stop the asshole with whom I share an office from spouting these arguments after I told him I didn't want to talk about it. It also didn't stop him from offering me the stupid bumpersticker in support of said Proposition.

Why, oh why, won't you idiots shut the fuck up, and leave others alone?

For God's Sake, It's Just A Fucking Game

So several friends and I were doing some COD4 multiplayer yesterday. It's become a regular weekend activity, because of two things: 1) It's fun and 2) It's cheap. All of us are perpetually broke these days (thanks Republicans!). So rather than go out and spend money on crap we don't need, we stick to stuff we already have and milk it for all it's worth.

However, there is a problem with this activity. That problem is all the other fucking morons doing the same thing. And there are plenty of them. However, this particular asshole caught my attention. Our team just won a match (rare that it happens), and we get dropped back into the lobby and are stuck listening to this asshole berate his team for the next 90 seconds on how bad they suck and how worthless they are because the suck.

Really? Is this game REALLY that important to you? Because if it is, I suggest that you make sure you never have children now. There are enough ignorant worthless assholes masquerading as parents already. The world really doesn't need you bringing that number up.

His team was a bunch of newish players (mid level, never entered prestige mode). So they were inexperienced. And rather than lead them, or show them how to be successful, you know, what adults do, he chose to tear them apart OVER A FUCKING GAME.

Seriously, asshole. If you are out there reading this, it's time to put down the fucking controller and do something else.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

So I'm Not The Only One...

Read this.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

I'm so glad I will never have children. I just wish I didn't have to share the world with them and, just as importantly, their parents.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Homophobes, Shut The Fuck Up, Addendum

What if homosexuality is a choice? Why should I give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut if someone chooses to do this? It has no effect on me or my life or any of my personal relationships. Guess what, Gay Bashing mouthbreathers? It has no effect on you either. So at the end of the day, you are just nosy, interfering motherfuckers, with no logical or redeeming arguments in favor of your cause.

Seriously, the adults are talking now, so it's time for you to shut the fuck up and go away. We'll call you if we need comic relief, because you have nothing else to offer.

Homophobes, Shut The Fuck Up.

Seriously. You sanctimonious pricks need to just shut your fucking yaps. Your utter lack of understanding regarding the "traditional family" and "human nature" and "learned behavior" makes me want to a meteor to fall on you.

A few things you need to know:
1. The so-called "traditional family" is bullshit. I know you have this great myth in mind about how the family was always the husband and father, the wife and mother, and the kids (however many) living in one happy atomic unit. Guess what? Ozzie and Harriet lied to you. That shit didn't even exist in the 50's. So preservation of a recently invented (historically speaking) fictional concept is null and void. Marriage was largely a financial arrangement prior to the renaissance and the enlightenment. Certainly love existed, but it's not why people got married. It's why people had sex.

2. Homosexuality is not learned behavior. If you need proof of this, simply examine any of several lower primates or other mammals. Guess what? They practice homosexuality, too! So unless you are arguing that a walrus makes a conscience decision to engage in same sex relations, the argument that homosexuality is unnatural and therefore deviant/learned behavior is ALSO null and void. Here's another little tidbit for you: Statistically speaking, the more older brothers you have, the more likely you are to be homosexual. Does that mean that families with more male children are more likely to be dysfunctional or otherwise create conditions that encourage homosexuality as a lifestyle choice? If so, what does that mean for the "traditional family" argument? Oh, wait, we already know that's a myth.

3. Ex-homosexuals don't exist. I hate to break this to you, but you can't unlearn a sexual preference. Sorry, it doesn't happen. Anyone who says they can is either lying, or deluded, or both. The reason you can't unlearn it, is because it's not learned behavior. It's part and parcel of the biological makeup. For that, see point 2. However, one can be conditioned to repress parts of one's own makeup. It's called brainwashing, and it's sickening, and a primary component of those groups and organizations that claim to recover homosexuals.

The fact of the matter is this: At the end of the day, you don't understand, and you aren't willing to understand. Someone, be it your parents, or your teachers, or (most likely) your pastor or religious leader, told you that homosexuality was wrong. For you that was the end of the conversation. Great. I'm glad for you. I hope it works out well for you. However, that bias and opinion is in no way supported by any credible facts or science. As such, it has no part of public policy. So you fuckers need to shut the fuck up and let things go. You don't like homosexual marriage? Great! Don't get homosexual married. However, you do not have the right, morally or otherwise, to interfere in other's happiness, as long as no harm occurs from it. If God doesn't like it, God will settle up with them for it. Live your life the best way you know how, and leave other people alone. Is that so hard for you worthless fucks to get?

Don't bother to answer; I already know it is.

Monday, October 20, 2008


I had a conversation over IM with someone today. They related a story to me about how their office mates dubbed them "unpatriotic" for questioning the government.

I'm curious to know how the fuck they came to that conclusion HERE. The nation was founded on the concept of disagreeing with how one was ruled. It' s sort of fundamental here.

Fuck, that is scary. These are the people with whom we share a nation and a world. They have influence and legitimacy somehow.

Any sane society would pat the little waterheads on the shoulder and encourage them to go play somewhere else.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Shhh! Your Ignorance Is Showing.

Here is a piece of advice: don't try to talk politics with me. You have no idea what you are talking about, and you will only enrage me and increase my loathing of you. Seriously. Don't regurgitate talking points about Barack Obama, about how he's going to make sure that welfare mothers get enough money for crack and terrorists have open access to America. The talking points are wrong. I can prove that with 5 minutes and Google. The fact that you aren't willing to do any kind of research or information gathering and parsing proves you aren't fit to participate. You don't actually know anything, just repeat what your favorite talking head has vomited into your ear canal. Your ignorance is sickening to those few of us who actually make decisions based on positions, record, and valid data. You know, the ones smarter than you.

So stick to sports, or car races, or whatever banal topic you choose to throw at me. While it might bore me, it will spare you.

I'm just telling you this for your own good.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A Couple Of Items...

So a few things worth noting today, in humanity's neverneding descent into utter moron-hood.

1. Yesterday was a mini Black Monday.  It wasn't quite a crash, just substantial losses.  However, that sell off, when coupled with the continuing fall in the price of oil, the collapse of several leading and important financial institutions, 8 straight months of job losses, and the value of the dollar all spell one thing: Depression.  I hate to break it to you brain-trusters out there supporting McCain, but the economy is not "fundamentally strong".  While they keep telling you that the GDP increase (artificially inflated) means we are not in a recession, they are willfully ignoring everything else.  Oil is over supplied, which should bring the price down some.  As the price drops, demand should rise to meet it as it becomes more affordable.  It isn't.  We just had a hurricaine tear through Oil country, and the price CONTINUES to fall.  This means that no one has enough money to get gas or otherwise raise the demand for energy.  This means many bad things.  So why would anyone, ever, support an economic policy that plans to continue the same things that set this in motion?  Can any of you mouth breathers provide one iota of evidence that show that more of the same would somehow work out better?

2.  McCain attacking Mika Brzezinski.  This was just shameful.  She asked a legitimate question, and was attacked on her impartiality.  Not only was it shameful, but manipulative, as McCain used it as an opportunity to segue into his new message of "I'm mean because Obama won't come to my canned events".  Once again, I ask you mouth breathers that support this clownish imitation of former glory, how is this guy a good pick?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lipstick On A Pig

So apparently, there is a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth over Obama's use of this phrase.

Because of the word lipstick, he MUST have meant Sarah Palin.  After all, she described herself as a pitbull with lipstick.  So he must have meant her, right?

Jesus Tittyfucking Christ.  I think this sets a new low bar for stupid.  The McCain campaign isn't stupid for using it.  That's a pretty shrewd maneuver on their part.  What IS stupid is the fact that you morons buy it.

Have you worthless fuckers ever heard of a cliche?  

I'd swear you mongoloids would believe the moon is made of green cheese if the person who said it was carrying a cross.

Fuck You

So I haven't updated in awhile.  Things have gone fairly well, and my discontent and subsided.  I was able to turn a blind eye to the never ending stupidty of the human race.

Then the presidential election season started, and you worthless morons reminded me why our species deserves extinction.

Over the next six weeks (and 4 years, I imagine, thanks to American stupidity), I imagine I am going to have a lot to rant about.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Another Random Update

So I lied.

Fuck you.

Yeah, I know I haven't updated in almost a year. I've been busy.

First of all, I left my job in Sierra Vista. This is a good thing. If anyone ever encourages you to visit Sierra Vista, pass. I swear, the population there is all related. I went to the one Taco Bell there for lunch. It was a mistake. For one thing, it took me 40 minutes to get my food, making it the very antithesis of fast food. Second, I could not find a single person with a forehead or a chin in there. They all looked like shaved Neanderthals. This was very typical of my experience in SV. The job itself was just not for me. There are things I would say, but they are not appropriate for a public venue. "But Jimmy," you say, "when did you ever care about the public?" Well, I like my life right now, and things you say here have a tendency to screw you later on. Its one reason why my rants are pretty vague.

Anyway, time to play Rockband. I'll post later.