Saturday, November 15, 2008


So I watched the season finale of Real Time tonight. I have a question.

When the fuck did Ashton Kutcher get braincells?

Maybe my perspective is skewed from years of watching him in banal movie and TV show after banal movie and TV show, but I'd always considered him a bit of a dullard.

Turns out I was wrong.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Packs of Retarded Monkies

That's what playing on XBox Live is like tonight.

Why the fuck does everyone thing that the lobby between matches is the place to sing?

It's not fucking karaoke.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Latest Thoughts On Same-Sex Marriage

One of the arguments I hear on a semi-regular basis is that marriage is traditionally between a man and woman. You want to know something? Fuck tradition.

Tradition was African-Americans sitting at the back of the bus.

Tradition was treating Women as property.

Tradition was beating your children to discipline them.

Tradition changes for a reason, fucktards. Just because something has always been someway (which it hasn't), doesn't mean it always has to be that way.

And I'm sorry you might be uncomfortable with two guys saying they are married. But that's nothing compared to how uncomfortable you've made them feel for centuries.

So fuck you, I'm not sorry at all. In fact, I'm going to enjoy your frustration and discomfort as the tide slowly but surely turns against you.

And I'm really going to love it when your gay granddaughter gets married to her girlfriend.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

When Does The Stupid Stop?

Christ, does the stupid ever stop?

1. Obama is an American citizen. You know why? Because at the time of his birth, his father was an American citizen, married to another American citizen, and he was born on American soil. His HALF-brother was not born in the United States, and his father was not an American citizen at the time.

2. Obama is not a plant by Fidel Castro. I don't even know where to begin with this suggestion. It's beyond stupid on a cursory examination, really. There is no need for further investigation because it begins from a ludicrous origin.
3. Obama is not a socialist. He's going to adjust our Income Taxes. That's it. We already pay Income Taxes. Have for decades. Those taxes finance government programs, including welfare, social security, medicare, student loans, and the military. If this makes him a socialist, then we've been a socialist nation for about 70 years.
4. Obama is not here to destroy America. I guarantee, with all of the media attention, someone would have revealed that he was a sleeper agent. The KGB weren't able to get one of their moles in charge of MI-5, despite their skill at human intelligence and operations. The position of President gets A LOT more scrutiny than that.

For Cthulu's sake, assholes, read something besides your NRA magazine. Listen to something besides Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. You might learn something.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Nope, They Still Don't Get It

When I get up in the middle of you telling me your latest Anti-Obama joke, that is a subtle hint for you to STOP TRYING TO TALK FUCKING POLITICS WITH ME. I don't want to tell you that you are a fucking ignorant retard and then prove why I'm right. It ends up with you in tears trying to open your wrist with your thumbnail, and me in unemployed and likely in jail.

Neither of us want that.

Some People Don't Get The Hint

Here in AZ, we have a proposition on our ballot this election cycle. This proposition, Proposition 102, changes the State Constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman. I do not support this proposition. I feel everyone should have the opportunity to destroy their relationships and make themselves miserable, regardless of orientation. I also know my history, and the Myth of the Atomic Family, and the Myth of Marriage.

The Myth of the Atomic, or Traditional, Family is pretty self descriptive. The family, as presented on Little House On The Prarie, and numerous sitcoms, doesn't exist, at least not in the overwhelming dominance certain elements would like you to see. So holding to that standard is like holding to the Easter Bunny, and then being pissed when you get no chocolate on Easter.

The Myth of Marriage requires a bit of explanation. Many of us in modern society are fed the myth of marriage as some sort of romantic event, as the ultimate expression of love and commitment. This is a lie. Marriage is primarily a financial institution. It was a way to combine familial resources and ensure hegemony. Romantic marriage is something that grew out of the Renaissance and the Enlightenment. In human historical terms, it's a recent development.

In light of these facts, using either of them to justify a ban on same-sex marriage is ludicrous.

That didn't stop the asshole with whom I share an office from spouting these arguments after I told him I didn't want to talk about it. It also didn't stop him from offering me the stupid bumpersticker in support of said Proposition.

Why, oh why, won't you idiots shut the fuck up, and leave others alone?

For God's Sake, It's Just A Fucking Game

So several friends and I were doing some COD4 multiplayer yesterday. It's become a regular weekend activity, because of two things: 1) It's fun and 2) It's cheap. All of us are perpetually broke these days (thanks Republicans!). So rather than go out and spend money on crap we don't need, we stick to stuff we already have and milk it for all it's worth.

However, there is a problem with this activity. That problem is all the other fucking morons doing the same thing. And there are plenty of them. However, this particular asshole caught my attention. Our team just won a match (rare that it happens), and we get dropped back into the lobby and are stuck listening to this asshole berate his team for the next 90 seconds on how bad they suck and how worthless they are because the suck.

Really? Is this game REALLY that important to you? Because if it is, I suggest that you make sure you never have children now. There are enough ignorant worthless assholes masquerading as parents already. The world really doesn't need you bringing that number up.

His team was a bunch of newish players (mid level, never entered prestige mode). So they were inexperienced. And rather than lead them, or show them how to be successful, you know, what adults do, he chose to tear them apart OVER A FUCKING GAME.

Seriously, asshole. If you are out there reading this, it's time to put down the fucking controller and do something else.