Balloon Heads

I really didn't know what to call this post, but I feel compelled to write it.

I occasionally follow blogs from old friends from college and other places. Mostly these are amusing little things to read to see how they are doing and what's going on. I like Facebook and Twitter for the same reason. However, one of these has started to anger me greatly.

I'm not going to link to it, mostly because I don't want to start a blog war, and frankly the person in question doesn't deserve any traffic.

What infuriates me about this person, is that I knew them, shared a house with them, and had no idea what raving egomaniac this person is. They believe themselves to be one of the most intelligent, insightful, and wise people ever, and good at everything.

And what are they doing with these amazing capabilities? They work in the back of Target store.

Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. The cognitive dissonance required to consider yourself as smart as Einstein but work in retail is beyond me. How the obviousness of your shortcomings does not become apparent escapes me. I've known smart people doing dumb jobs. They are bright, capable people, but they are not uber-geniuses. This person considers themselves one of the intellectual elite.

I'm not sure what makes me more angry. If they are right, then I am angry because they are wasting their own potential and depriving the rest of the species of what they have to offer. If they are wrong, and they are, the presumption and ego just sickens me.

However, I can rest satisfied that they are exactly where they deserve to be: in the middle of nowehere, working a worthless job, and living in their own little world. Thankfully, that little world has absolutely no impact on ours.

Mexico Is Fun

For about 20 minutes.

I really, and I mean, REALLY like living in the U.S.

I like being able to walk down the street and not get called names because I have no interest in their prostitutes.

Objectivists Are Retards

I know you egomaniacal, self-fellatiating assholes like to think of yourself as the paragon of logical, reasoned thoughts. But I'd like to tell you that you aren't. No amount of protesting, or snark, or psuedo-reasoning will change one very big flaw in your argument.

You fuckers are just as human as the rest of us.

I know you hate that fact (which is further proof of your lack of rationality), but it's true. You have 46 chromosomes, and you suck just like the rest of us. Humans don't make decisions, we make choices, and then justify those choices so they sound like decisions. But decisions involve the objective consideration of factors BEFORE deciding on a course of action. Choices are made without consideration of factors or consequences. Humans do that all day long, and then cover it up so that it sounds good.

Sorry.

Well, not really, because I hate you fuckers, generally speaking. You act like you operate in a fucking vaccuum, when you don't. Everything you do affects other people, and things other people do affect you. Sometimes you can't see the chain of cause and effect, and sometimes you can. However, it always exists. Just because you can't, or rather, wont, see it doesn't mean it's not there. That means we all bear some responsibility for each other. So your philosophy of Objectivisim is really about extracting the maximum benefit of group effort for one individual, you. And that makes you the worst kind of hypocrites.

COD4

I am done with this game, for at least a little while. I have turned into every stupid moron I play online, and take the damn thing too seriously. Even when I'm having a harmless game amongst my friends, I get entirely too focused on winning. It's just a fucking game, and I'm having problems keeping my perspective. My friends don't need to hear me talking shit at them, or frothing in a rage. It's just a game.

More Live Bitchiness

You know what? Those of you bags of filth that make secondary accounts on Live JUST to run through the levels on COF4 again have to be the most pathetic group of people I've ever encountered? Once you've achieved a certain level of ability, the stupid little icon next your handle doesn't matter. No one cares really. The stupid icon is more of an indicator of how much time you waste with the game, not your actual ability. So why do you assholes make another account to seem like a low level putz and gloat when you beat someone of a higher level? You aren't fooling anyone, and it's pathetic and ineffective griefing.

If you want to be a griefer, just use your first Level 55 and hit people from the places you know they can't get to you. It's time honored and really irritating.

I mean, if you really want to be a complete shitbag, anyway...

Or, you could just play the fucking game and let everyone have a good time.

Undeserved Glory

The Steelers did not deserve to win last night. I say this as a Steelers fan. Big Ben played horribly and only the excellent work by his team mates prevented a completely humiliating loss to the Cardinals. Kurt Warner was clearly the superior quarterback on the field last night, and I have to say, the Cardinals were also the better team. Too bad Billicheck, or whatever the fuck his name is, won't keep the same team for next year. This was their one shot, and the fates conspired against them.

Cardinals, in my mind, you won that game.

Internet Fuckwad Theory

For those of you unfamiliar, look here.

Now, I contend that there is another facet to this theory. In addition for never ending amounts of rudeness and vulgarity, people also get to be whatever they want to be on the Internet, and that includes expertise on everything, and being perfect in every way.

At least they say they are.

My question is this: If all of you fuckers are so good at everything and so bloody smart, what the fuck are you doing working at a Target in Flagstaff, AZ, or living in Mom and Dad's basement? Talk about having an over-inflated opinion of yourself...

Authority Is Always Right.

What. The. Fuck?

This is why I will do my very best to not live in, or work in, or financially support the state of Texas in any way. Between buying drinks for people to give them DUIs later, and abuse like this, plus the shitty attitude they project out into the public arena, I am disinclined to wish them well, or help them at all. There is plenty of work for me there, if I wanted it, but I would really have to think long and hard about going.

Punk Playa

So, last night, some friends and I were enjoying a rousing round or three of Call Of Duty 4. Nothing particularly spectacular about that, in fact it's pretty typical of the way we spend our evenings. However, during one particular run on the map "Vacant", I managed to offend one of the opposing players.

How do I know this? Simple. The player in question sent me a voice message over XBox Live. It is a 30 second tirade of profanity and poorly constructed commentary on my overall skill.

So, of course, I had to send a response. It's 15 seconds of me cackling at this pathetic waste of breathable air and outer resources. No words, just howls of derisive laughter. I mean, what else do you do with someone like this? I really just don't have the words to describe the complete pathetic nature of this guy. I almost feel sorry for him.

Then I listen to the voice message again.

I wish I could somehow extract and post both the original message and my response.

Dumb Ideas In Advertising

Who the fuck thought standing people on corners with signs performing baton routines was a good idea? It's irritating to look at when stopped, a distraction while in motion, and in the desert, a good way to kill people with sunstroke.

Whoever thought this idea up in the first place needs to do it themselves for awhile.

The person who thought it was a good idea to bring it the desert needs far, far worse.

WTF?

So I watched the season finale of Real Time tonight. I have a question.

When the fuck did Ashton Kutcher get braincells?

Maybe my perspective is skewed from years of watching him in banal movie and TV show after banal movie and TV show, but I'd always considered him a bit of a dullard.

Turns out I was wrong.

Packs of Retarded Monkies

That's what playing on XBox Live is like tonight.

Why the fuck does everyone thing that the lobby between matches is the place to sing?

It's not fucking karaoke.

Latest Thoughts On Same-Sex Marriage

One of the arguments I hear on a semi-regular basis is that marriage is traditionally between a man and woman. You want to know something? Fuck tradition.

Tradition was African-Americans sitting at the back of the bus.

Tradition was treating Women as property.

Tradition was beating your children to discipline them.

Tradition changes for a reason, fucktards. Just because something has always been someway (which it hasn't), doesn't mean it always has to be that way.

And I'm sorry you might be uncomfortable with two guys saying they are married. But that's nothing compared to how uncomfortable you've made them feel for centuries.

So fuck you, I'm not sorry at all. In fact, I'm going to enjoy your frustration and discomfort as the tide slowly but surely turns against you.

And I'm really going to love it when your gay granddaughter gets married to her girlfriend.

When Does The Stupid Stop?

Christ, does the stupid ever stop?

1. Obama is an American citizen. You know why? Because at the time of his birth, his father was an American citizen, married to another American citizen, and he was born on American soil. His HALF-brother was not born in the United States, and his father was not an American citizen at the time.

2. Obama is not a plant by Fidel Castro. I don't even know where to begin with this suggestion. It's beyond stupid on a cursory examination, really. There is no need for further investigation because it begins from a ludicrous origin.
3. Obama is not a socialist. He's going to adjust our Income Taxes. That's it. We already pay Income Taxes. Have for decades. Those taxes finance government programs, including welfare, social security, medicare, student loans, and the military. If this makes him a socialist, then we've been a socialist nation for about 70 years.
4. Obama is not here to destroy America. I guarantee, with all of the media attention, someone would have revealed that he was a sleeper agent. The KGB weren't able to get one of their moles in charge of MI-5, despite their skill at human intelligence and operations. The position of President gets A LOT more scrutiny than that.

For Cthulu's sake, assholes, read something besides your NRA magazine. Listen to something besides Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. You might learn something.

Nope, They Still Don't Get It

When I get up in the middle of you telling me your latest Anti-Obama joke, that is a subtle hint for you to STOP TRYING TO TALK FUCKING POLITICS WITH ME. I don't want to tell you that you are a fucking ignorant retard and then prove why I'm right. It ends up with you in tears trying to open your wrist with your thumbnail, and me in unemployed and likely in jail.

Neither of us want that.

Some People Don't Get The Hint

Here in AZ, we have a proposition on our ballot this election cycle. This proposition, Proposition 102, changes the State Constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman. I do not support this proposition. I feel everyone should have the opportunity to destroy their relationships and make themselves miserable, regardless of orientation. I also know my history, and the Myth of the Atomic Family, and the Myth of Marriage.

The Myth of the Atomic, or Traditional, Family is pretty self descriptive. The family, as presented on Little House On The Prarie, and numerous sitcoms, doesn't exist, at least not in the overwhelming dominance certain elements would like you to see. So holding to that standard is like holding to the Easter Bunny, and then being pissed when you get no chocolate on Easter.

The Myth of Marriage requires a bit of explanation. Many of us in modern society are fed the myth of marriage as some sort of romantic event, as the ultimate expression of love and commitment. This is a lie. Marriage is primarily a financial institution. It was a way to combine familial resources and ensure hegemony. Romantic marriage is something that grew out of the Renaissance and the Enlightenment. In human historical terms, it's a recent development.

In light of these facts, using either of them to justify a ban on same-sex marriage is ludicrous.

That didn't stop the asshole with whom I share an office from spouting these arguments after I told him I didn't want to talk about it. It also didn't stop him from offering me the stupid bumpersticker in support of said Proposition.

Why, oh why, won't you idiots shut the fuck up, and leave others alone?

For God's Sake, It's Just A Fucking Game

So several friends and I were doing some COD4 multiplayer yesterday. It's become a regular weekend activity, because of two things: 1) It's fun and 2) It's cheap. All of us are perpetually broke these days (thanks Republicans!). So rather than go out and spend money on crap we don't need, we stick to stuff we already have and milk it for all it's worth.

However, there is a problem with this activity. That problem is all the other fucking morons doing the same thing. And there are plenty of them. However, this particular asshole caught my attention. Our team just won a match (rare that it happens), and we get dropped back into the lobby and are stuck listening to this asshole berate his team for the next 90 seconds on how bad they suck and how worthless they are because the suck.

Really? Is this game REALLY that important to you? Because if it is, I suggest that you make sure you never have children now. There are enough ignorant worthless assholes masquerading as parents already. The world really doesn't need you bringing that number up.

His team was a bunch of newish players (mid level, never entered prestige mode). So they were inexperienced. And rather than lead them, or show them how to be successful, you know, what adults do, he chose to tear them apart OVER A FUCKING GAME.

Seriously, asshole. If you are out there reading this, it's time to put down the fucking controller and do something else.

So I'm Not The Only One...

Read this.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

I'm so glad I will never have children. I just wish I didn't have to share the world with them and, just as importantly, their parents.

Homophobes, Shut The Fuck Up, Addendum

What if homosexuality is a choice? Why should I give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut if someone chooses to do this? It has no effect on me or my life or any of my personal relationships. Guess what, Gay Bashing mouthbreathers? It has no effect on you either. So at the end of the day, you are just nosy, interfering motherfuckers, with no logical or redeeming arguments in favor of your cause.

Seriously, the adults are talking now, so it's time for you to shut the fuck up and go away. We'll call you if we need comic relief, because you have nothing else to offer.

Homophobes, Shut The Fuck Up.

Seriously. You sanctimonious pricks need to just shut your fucking yaps. Your utter lack of understanding regarding the "traditional family" and "human nature" and "learned behavior" makes me want to a meteor to fall on you.

A few things you need to know:
1. The so-called "traditional family" is bullshit. I know you have this great myth in mind about how the family was always the husband and father, the wife and mother, and the kids (however many) living in one happy atomic unit. Guess what? Ozzie and Harriet lied to you. That shit didn't even exist in the 50's. So preservation of a recently invented (historically speaking) fictional concept is null and void. Marriage was largely a financial arrangement prior to the renaissance and the enlightenment. Certainly love existed, but it's not why people got married. It's why people had sex.

2. Homosexuality is not learned behavior. If you need proof of this, simply examine any of several lower primates or other mammals. Guess what? They practice homosexuality, too! So unless you are arguing that a walrus makes a conscience decision to engage in same sex relations, the argument that homosexuality is unnatural and therefore deviant/learned behavior is ALSO null and void. Here's another little tidbit for you: Statistically speaking, the more older brothers you have, the more likely you are to be homosexual. Does that mean that families with more male children are more likely to be dysfunctional or otherwise create conditions that encourage homosexuality as a lifestyle choice? If so, what does that mean for the "traditional family" argument? Oh, wait, we already know that's a myth.

3. Ex-homosexuals don't exist. I hate to break this to you, but you can't unlearn a sexual preference. Sorry, it doesn't happen. Anyone who says they can is either lying, or deluded, or both. The reason you can't unlearn it, is because it's not learned behavior. It's part and parcel of the biological makeup. For that, see point 2. However, one can be conditioned to repress parts of one's own makeup. It's called brainwashing, and it's sickening, and a primary component of those groups and organizations that claim to recover homosexuals.

The fact of the matter is this: At the end of the day, you don't understand, and you aren't willing to understand. Someone, be it your parents, or your teachers, or (most likely) your pastor or religious leader, told you that homosexuality was wrong. For you that was the end of the conversation. Great. I'm glad for you. I hope it works out well for you. However, that bias and opinion is in no way supported by any credible facts or science. As such, it has no part of public policy. So you fuckers need to shut the fuck up and let things go. You don't like homosexual marriage? Great! Don't get homosexual married. However, you do not have the right, morally or otherwise, to interfere in other's happiness, as long as no harm occurs from it. If God doesn't like it, God will settle up with them for it. Live your life the best way you know how, and leave other people alone. Is that so hard for you worthless fucks to get?

Don't bother to answer; I already know it is.