Why Highways suck

As with most things in the world, this is a pretty obvious answer: because there are people using it.

I took a trip to Flagstaff last weekend to help some friends move. The trip up was two of the worst hours I have ever spent on the highway. Did any of you worthless fucks bother to even show up to Driver's Ed? Or even LOOK AT THE FUCKING MANUAL ONCE IN YOUR LIFE? For fuck's sake, don't park your ass in the passing lane (that's the left lane for those of you morons who don't know - and given what I saw last weekend, that would be ALL of you). Also, when you go to pass another vehicle, FUCKING PASS THEM. Don't kinda sorta maybe pass them. STEP ON THE FUCKING GAS AND GET PAST THEM! Here is another clue for you fatally stupid fuckers: your car contains many convenient devices, like, say, FUCKING MIRRORS. Consider using them. They are amazing devices. They allow you to see in places not directly in front of you. Therefore, you can be aware of your surroundings and see cars to the left and right of you, and traffic behind you. You can use this information to adjust your driving to deal with circumstances as they change. Therefore, you won't cut me off, and you might get out of my when I come up behind you.

God, I fucking hate you people.

Fucktard Central

This was my local grocery store tonight. I went down to the local Fry's for a few items and had to find something to clamp down on before I was even inside the store. Every single example of stupid humanity was there. It was like a fucking bug light. They all just kind of buzzed around, got in my way, and made me hate them in less time then it takes to change a radio station. I couldn't even find a parking space without ignorant assholes pulling out in front of me. There were smokers standing around out front of the store, like Jay and Silent Bob. Only stupider. And real.

Inside the store was no better. I just wanted a couple of sodas and a bottle of milk. 3 items, total. It took me 29 minutes to get back OUT OF THE FUCKING STORE. Why, you ask? That's simple, intrepid reader: the idiocy was more concentrated inside. I grabbed my items and went to stand in line. I guess Saturday night is "Try to Buy your Beer with Food Stamps" night. The woman in question could not understand why she was not allowed to buy shit with my tax dollars. The idiot cashier, who looked like she just fell out her mother last week, certainly couldn't explain it. Given that the line was long and getting longer (because all the scum had to shop at Fry's tonight), I decided to use one of the self checkout stations.

This was a mistake. The line wasn't long for those, but there is a very good reason for that fact. PEOPLE CANNOT FOLLOW SIMPLE VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS. The damn machine doesn't make it hard. It tells you what to do, EVERY SINGLE TIME. In small words. It's really easy to do. Scan, touch the yellow pad, bag the fucking thing. And somehow, this is too hard for people to do.

There are rumblings that World War 3 is starting. After one trip to the local grocery store, I hope these rumblings are true. The peace and quiet will be nice.

So Apparently....

I am about worthless.

So where does that put the rest of you?

FREE AT LAST!

I actually kind of liked my old job. That is, I liked my boss and co-workers (as much as I like anyone these days). The job itself was support. And I HATE SUPPORT. With a passion. An eternal passion that rivals my hatred of children. There is nothing worse than support. I blame support for my misanthropy. I used to like people. Then I spent all day coming up with last minute solutions to impossible problems created by other fucking people. I swear, asking adults to use a computer is like asking a 5 year old to drive the Indy 500, or at least the act like it. These things aren't that fucking hard, you morons. But somehow, they KEEP FUCKING THEM UP. And then it was my job to make it all better. Instantly, you know. Because they had to get back to playing solitaire or surfing for porn right away!

But that is all over now. I am free of support and I will NEVER go back to it if I can help it. I now get to learn all new kinds of frustration in the fascinating world of development. I'm certain I will hate it just as much, but it will minimize my contact with other people.

The only problem is this: I am severely out of practice at development. My skills, such as they were, have atrophied. So this weekend is turning into a cram fest.

I hope its worth it.

Just A Reminder....

...that I hate your kids. And when I say "your kids", I do, in fact, mean YOUR KIDS. It does not matter who you are. If you have kids I hate them. I ESPECIALLY hate them on airplanes. Because nothing makes being trapped in a cramped metal tube for 6 hours better than someone's little fucking mutant screaming the entire way.

Gates of Hell

I am traveling again. I hate Airports. I hate them for multiple reasons. First, an airport is a place where many people congregate. This means more opportunities to interact with every bad habit and stupid human trick that infuriates me. This lasts for hours due to interminable lines punctuated with limitless incompetence. While at Sky Harbor early yesterday morning, I was in line to check in (so that I could get the little slip of paper that allowed me to stand in line for security, so I could stand in line to get on the plane). The moron behind me somehow could not grasp a basic concept from physics: two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Wherever I put my luggage, he tried to put his. Only after mine was there. For like 5 minutes. I think he finally got the hint when I kicked his suitcase over.

Second, all an Airport does is allow me to get crammed like a motherfucking sardine into a shiny metal tube with a ton of other people. This seems like such a great idea. Let's put a hundred rude, obnoxious and idiotic people into tiny, cramped seats, and then make them stay there for 6 hours. I am amazed there are fewer instances of assault on planes.

Everytime I fly these days, I feel like Ed Norton's character in Fight Club. I can see the roof of the plane peel off, and a feeling almost like relief washes over me. But then I remember that I have bills to pay, and go back to trying to sleep.

And I have to do it all again. Tomorrow. At O'Hare. If most airports are like Hell, O'Hare is what they imitate.

I think I start driving everywhere soon. At least I can yell at other travelers without being arrested.

I'm back!

It's been awhile, and I've been busy, so I'm not sorry about not posting in this space.
You try doing your master's degree and working overtime and see how much you like it.

Why the fuck am I justifying myself to you assholes?

Anyway, there has been plenty to frustrate me lately, and the fires of my hatred for anything with 46 Chromosomes burn brighter than ever.

So now that I have some time, I will feel free to start reminding you all of how much you all suck, and how much nicer the world will be if I don't have to share it with you.

You may now resume your drab, wretched lives.

In Reponse to Commentary

A Reader, John, made the following comment:

Ah.. but there's the differentiation between PARENTS (I had a set) and BREEDERS (whom I see very often, varying from allowing their kids to open and play with toys in the store to evil-eyeing you if you don't kiss their kiddies asses).

Kind of frightening to realize I have no progeny, yet my behavior towards children is better than 90% of the actual 'parents'(breeders)

I posted this response in comments, but felt it needed to be shared with both other people who read this thing:

The distinction is drifting into non-existence. I acknowledge that there were, once upon a time, these mythical "parents" of which you speak. However, those are extinct. The act linked seems like a perfectly fucking reasonable alternative to controlling your fucking children. If you cannot outwit your kids, you have no business having them.

This is another reason why the world is doomed. Those smart enough to raise kids don't fucking want them. Each generation becomes more and more stupid. Soon, the world will be populated by porch sitting, banjo-playing, sister-fucking freaks. I just home that a comet strikes us before then, or HN51 is a million times worse then predicted.

I am not an environmentalist, but this is the time I wish that the Earth actually had consciousness. And an anti-body system, to deal with the likes of the scum spreading across it. I am not about saving the planet. I could give a flying fornication at an undulating pastry about the planet. I just hate having to share it with 6.2 billion morons, and breeding more all the time.

You know what? The whole thing is going into the regular post. More people need to read this.

Not like they will, because the place does not get much traffic, and I don't think anyone will make it past the pre-amble.

He has a point. There is a distinction. But there are maybe 5 of them left walking the earth at this point. Those kinds of parents are like California Condors at this point. They are just as rare, and just as ugly to the rest of the world. Because we all know its someone else's fault if your little mutant is not the perfectly obedient mini-adult you expect them to be.

And parents, in case you are wondering, you are not one of the 5.

This warms my heart

I think more teachers should engage in this activity in their classroom. Lord knows the little fucking mutants deserve it.

I recall a line from Night Court (an old sitcom for those of you who need to STFU) about children being kept in cages until they were 17.

I think its a dandy idea. It would keep them from being anywhere near me, and I might actually forget that they exist.

That would make me much happier, yes.

Why I Hope The Flupocalypse Strikes Parents First

I hate parents. There are few things more precious in the world then liberty. Your child's innocence is not one of them. Particularly when they are 16 and probably know more about freaky sex then you do.

Parents are one of the world's best arguments for the destruction of mankind. I certainly believe that the moment one becomes a parent, their IQ is quartered. Given how amazingly idiotic people are, this is never a good thing. I do not know where you fucking people get the idea that everything in this world has to be subservient to the interests of your child. Its my fucking world too assholes. And I don't care about your kids. In fact, I hate them, because you use them to justify shutting down anything that makes you uncomfortable. Your lack of faith in your offspring is so great that you have to fight the world to get them to behave rather than teaching them. That's really it. You cannot teach your children, particularly about all the stuff that makes you uncomfortable, so no one is allowed to see it or do it.

You fucking make me sick.

This is why there should be a license to procreate. We could certainly neutralize the population growth problem if 99% of you fuckers popping out little fucking mutants were stopped.

Fuck Republicans

I say this one with impunity, because I used to be one. Seriously, you people have to be the most worthless pieces of shit to walk the earth. How any single one of you fucks can justify this? And this shit is only the tip of the motherfucking iceberg? I thought you fucks were in favor of smaller governement, and less interference in one's own business? Since when did that equal domestic spying? I'm sorry, I confused you with a CONSERVATIVE. You miserable, todaying, money grubbing, lying, hypocrital fucks are certainly not conservative. You are all about power and wealth, and concentrating it into as few hands as you can manage. What happened to fiscal responsibility? Nope, gotta toss that aside to pay for a bullshit war that we didn't even need to fight. And don't even try to justify that one. You've sacraficed over 20,000 American lives so you can feel like you have balls. They didn't defend our freedom, and I feel bad for them that they were sacrficed on the altar of your ego. And to try and cut spending, you cut penny-ante shit that does nothing but hurt people and actually doesn't reduce our spending one iota. It just slows its rate of increase. Barry Goldwater is rolling in his grave.

Party of Freedom, my ass.

Been Busy.

So Fuck Off. I've learned to hate Text Mining. I've finally found two instructors in my Master's program who completely merit a horrible fate. I've taken numerous useless trips to help people who don't deserve it and don't even appreciate it.

All in all, its been like every other year, just with more air travel.

Don't even get me started on that. Air travel should be placed on the Geneva Convention as a method of torture. There is nothing worse then being forced to stand in line after line filled with screaming children and idiots who can't be arsed to read anything before bothering to fly. I love having to show up 3 hours before a flight just to get through security in time. This security, by the by, does nothing more then provide fake jobs for high school drop outs and people too stupid to be security guards. It certainly doesn't make us anymore secure. In case you missed the point, 9/11 was the LAST time anyone will be able to hijack a plane with Americans on it. I'm pretty sure the next group that tries is going to get beat down by a single mom with her little fucking mutant transport system (baby carriage). So don't try to tell me that this shit is important. It doesn't stop anything actually dangerous from getting on a plane, like a motherfucking bomb. Did you know that they recently tested the security measures and were able to smuggle the parts to a bomb on 21 times? You know how many times they tried? 21 times. That's right, assholes. Every time they wanted to get something on, they did.

So the TSA isn't actual security, its employment for walking Soylent Green.

Goddamn Researchers

Look at this shit. The fuckers went and ruined a perfectly good apocalypse. I was looking forward to seeing millions of fucktard humans dying in the streets and someone has to come along and invent a cure. Son of a bitch!

Everytime I'm certain that nature will finally do the job for us, I am reminded of our species similarity to roaches. You just can't kill us off entirely. This is not through any particular merit, mind you, but just dumb luck. What a downer.....

Another Word to Our Cycling Friends

Did you guys ever learn how to fucking read? Thanks to the dilligent work of one of my readers the following interesting legal tidbits come to light:

Suck It.
Blow Me.
Shut the Fuck Up.
Get Off The Fucking Road, you twats.
And finally, PWN3D!

God, it feels great to be so fucking right.

So, back to my original point, now with added legal supporty goodness, you people need to learn what the fuck you are doing, and not try to argue with two tons of steel. Because even if you are right, you will still lose the argument. Not like that would make me shed any tears mind you, but the repair bills would suck furiously.

Now get off the road, you freaks.

Drinking the Kool Aid

Conservatives.

Where the fuck did they go? And don't try to tell me to look around. Those fucks in the GOP are NOT conservatives.

Do you see smaller government? Do you see greater personal liberty?

If you do, stop drinking the motherfucking Kool Aid.

It seems like this has become the greatest past time these days. No matter what UNBELIEVABLE line of bullshit comes from the GOP, its accepted as gospel by most people. I knew you people were fucking stupid. Hell, the damage done to my teeth as I grit them to keep my mouth shut is a testimony to humanity's never ending ability to be dumber then all fuck. But this kind of shit? You MUST be kidding.

Oh, wait, you aren't. God dammit.

Housing

So, time was, I used to be able to get someplace to rent within a day or so of looking.

When the fuck did rental property get to be the hot thing? I mean, really?

You fucks made it impossible to afford a house unless I like getting shot or driving from Casa Grande. Now you make it impossible to even rent a decent apartment.

I hope you have a nasty accident, and your kids get cancer. I hope some hippy burns your McMansion to the ground, JUST BEFORE YOU MOVE IN.

Arizona is a lovely state, if it weren't for all the fucking people.

A Word to Our Cycling Friends

YOU ARE NOT FUCKING PEDESTRIANS. This means you do not get to ride on the sidewalk. The word alone should be enough to clue you fucking hampsters in to the fact. It's a conjunction, from the words side and walk. The first word indicates the object's location, being towards the side or edge of a road. The second word indicates the objects intended purpose, in this case as a place to FUCKING WALK. If you are on a wheeled vehicle of just about any kind, this means you don't get to use a sidewalk for travel.

In case you lemmings don't realize it, let me explain it to you. You are subject to the same laws and regulations as any other motor vehicle. You do not get to use crosswalks. You do not get to ride against traffic on the right side of the street.

And somehow, I'm the one who would get arrested if I ran you over.

Found on a Fark thread this morning:

Good for him for standing up for himself though.

Honestly, there is no real recourse for men who have been wronged.

The courts?

Forget it.

Anyone with testicles is guilty by default.

Self help?

There's no litany of self-help books for men who have been jerked around by women.

Ther's no "Oprah" or "Starting Over" type shows for men.

Just as no dog is born mean, they become mean only after they are abused/mistreated by their owners, when you read some newspaper story about a man who did really bad things (abushed/killed/buried alive, etc) to his wife or ex wife it's not because he was born mean, or born sociopathic.

These are normal, average, well adjusted men most of the time.

Something bad happened to him.

Bad things were done to him.

By a woman.

And he snapped.

Yeah, that about sums it up. Women control every aspect of a relationship, and they use this power in the most insanely stupid fashion. They use it to cruelly abuse those that don't deserver it, and they relinquish it to scum for nothing.

And don't give me any bullshit about the "Nice Guy Syndrome". Ain't no such fucking beast. Many nice guys make their intentions known right out of the gate, and still get used like a fucking utility.

My contempt for the "fairer sex" is directly related to their irresponsible use of their own power. It's infuriating to watch.

So Chun Says

While Fred Durst may be the biggest example of artificial success ever generated by the media, excepting any boy group in existence, he did have on stroke of genius.

I refer, of course, to "Break Stuff". It describes my mood, on any given day, quite accurately. Its the only song worth listening to from Mr. Durst and the clan of no-talent ass-clowns that follow him around and pretend to play music (excepting Wes Borland, who knows how to throw down some kick ass guitar). Like the man said, "Every man is occasionally blessed by luck". Certainly true for Limp Bizkit, or whatever the fuck they call themselves these days.

The song itself especially poingnant today, since I won the game within 15 minutes of arriving at work this morning.


So, yeah, that's how my day started out. How about yours? Oh, wait, I don't give a fuck...

Read This Thread

This one, right there.

Now explain to me why the fuck the south does not deserve to be expunged.

I'm not saying they alone deserve it. But I certainly feel that the world, and the U.S. would be much better off without them.

One way or another, if you like the Stars and Bars, you are supporting a symbol associated HEAVILY with racism. Factual or not, it doesn't matter. Because that is the perception associated with that symbol, by endorsing it, you are endorsing those values.

I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut if you don't like it, or it's historically wrong, or if the war wasn't about slavery, or what. Neither does anyone else. You look like an ignorant hillbilly fuck when you endorse it, regardless of race. Just like a swastika. No one gives a fuck anymore what it means in Asian mysticism. Now, its just a symbol of fascism and genocide. Period. End of statement. Any arguments counter to this are rendered null and fucking void by reality.

You know why there are stereotypes out the South? Because those people FUCKING EXIST. It's not as though this shit was conjured from the middle of nowhere. You see the same thing often enough, you can start to make some well founded assumptions. No, they aren't always true.

But they are true often enough to be worth consideration.

So get off your fucking high horse and get a motherfucking grip.